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Narratives: Foggy flues and bummed out blues


You just never know where you are going to end up when you read my blog. Just when you think I've set a pattern in... I go the other way again...

Dear new subscribers... don't worry. It will get better.

Today I'm trying on a new block theme, narratives. It will either hit or miss, depending on how you like to digest things.

I write this post after my descent in to madness.

I should have know last week that something was amiss. I had just finished refuelling my car and paying for it when I had turned the key in the ignition, only to discover the car was still turned on. That was a first time for me. In addition to the usual embarrassment, like when I had done such a thing on occasion in maybe a parking lot somewhere, I also felt a little relief to discover I had also not set my car into an inferno. As it turns out, maybe the car will not burst in to flames if you don't turn your car off first before refuelling. I don't think I will be making a habit of it though. It takes too long to get another car. Time is money.

I misread a few things lately and I have been as drowsy as hell. There's something wrong with starting the day with licking the roof of your own mouth just so you can make it to work without falling asleep. Apparently it's a trick pilots use to keep themselves awake during long flights. I do it because I can't tell if I can breath or not and I just want to close my eyes for a second. I don't know how I got sick twice during May but the second time took me to my bullshit threshold. I haven't had the patience to put up with people doing the wrong thing or for brushing my hair or signing any paperwork. There's a nice pile of papers about four weeks high at home. I don't look at the pile so I forget what's in there and I should probably cut my hair.

As my self awareness increases I realise that I would rather be in the corner of dark room somewhere with nothing but the sound of water dripping echoing off the walls of my mind. Despite this, I'm basking in sunshine. Smiling faces and happy people stop by my desk everyday and ask me if I am seeing anyone about my cough or ask me how i'm feeling. Yes I see lots of people. You all keep stopping by and asking me about it. I try to explain this and we laugh very heartily about it except there's a chance that you don't actually know what I'm saying because all that comes out is a bunch of squeaks and some honking. I laugh because I think you know what I said and I think I'm funny. At least I'm not getting worse. The friendly interagency coworker tells me at training she has had it too. She's says she is on to her eighth week and tells me you go deaf 'round about then but that's ok. She says by then I would of had enough and I won't care what anyone is saying anyway.

Believe it or not I actually think I'm feeling better. I am eating again, smiling and I sort of have an idea about what is going on. I am no longer drowning in the smell of paint and when I cough paint balls no longer shoot out of my mouth.

I decided I have laryngitis. Oh no I'm not a doctor. Do you know what happens when you go to the doctor these days? They ask you what you want them to do about it and they are so bent on being politically correct they won't diagnose anything without running a test for you first. You can get the results back after you are feeling better. Your doctor won't tell you that you have the flu or conjunctivitis or tonsillitis anymore. Come back after the results are in or if you get a fever, not that you will want to get out of bed. If you want, they will let you know that you at least probably have an infection, some sort of virus or bacteria. I don't know about you but that sounds much ickier to me. The doctors advice is (after you show up and wait the prolonged period for your doctor to actually see you much later than you agreed) is that you go home and get plenty of bed rest and take some Panadol. You should probably do that. Don't forget to come back and do it all over again.

As the fog clears the house begins to clear up too. Catch up on this, scrub that.... what is that doing there? I think I'll just dump the whole container of chlorine in the pool. Don't go in the pool this week. Dinners have begun to have a bit more effort put in them and the old food is actually getting thrown out of the fridge. Everything begins to feel worthwhile again and my patience begins to extend. I think I actually give a damn. It's still good that I can say very little. Sometimes I don't feel like it. It's easier to just smile or frown.

Some people have been just brilliant. You have been hilarious, tolerant and patient. Most people I have seen have been lovely or just plain old friendly. People I can't catch up with or see less have been great via text message. I admit there have still bee others that have been uhm... a real learning curve to me. I thought I would blow up in their face and tell them that they are destroying lives but as it turns out I have just laughed again. There are some really amazing people out there and just because they were being their normal everyday selves I have saved a spot in my dark foggy flu heart which I have set aside. I have a special place reserved for those warm and fuzzies. Some have brought the best out in me with little or no effort. I may have gotten through this bit just because you have made me laugh so hard. Some of you have complained more than I have too. It wasn't about me so thanks for making me feel normal. That was awesome.

Honk honk and squeak squeak to you.

-Mez

PS. Sorry if you got sick too... It might of just been a coincidence.

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